


Like the sun

by BLUKWolf



Series: We'll be alright by each other's side [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt Uzumaki Naruto, Naruto doesnt know how he really feels, Tsunade loves Naruto, Uzumaki Naruto Needs a Hug, and i think thats great, but he tries, its hard for him, shizune too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:14:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26280235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BLUKWolf/pseuds/BLUKWolf
Summary: It truly is like gold. Like the sun.
Relationships: Dai-nana-han | Team 7 & Uzumaki Naruto, Sai & Uzumaki Naruto, Shizune & Uzumaki Naruto, Tsunade & Uzumaki Naruto
Series: We'll be alright by each other's side [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1918051
Comments: 35
Kudos: 223





	Like the sun

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tuesdead](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tuesdead/gifts).



> Sorry for my bad english, but this for you b <3

Sometimes, when someone calls out his name, he doesn't answer. 

Doesn't react. Doesn't move at all. 

He knows it's strange, and bothersome, and that Sakura-chan has punched him more times than not because she loses her patience, and that Kakashi-sensei dismisses it as him being too distracted and of short attention span. He doesn't blame them, not at all, because he understands how he can be too much to handle more often than not, so he doesn't blame them.

He can't. He won't.

Instead, he laughs it off and says sorry and pretends that it doesn't hurt when he sees disdain and bother and  _ could you please pay attention now, baka? _

This time, though, is different. It's not Iruka-sensei screaming his name with half a lung out and an infuriated look in his eyes. It's not Jiraiya calling out at him and looking at him as if he were trying to see someone else. 

This time is Tsunade, sounding strained and worried and a little bit irritated.

"Naruto." 

He jolts in his place and snaps his head towards the blonde woman, who's looking at him with teeth bared and fists clenched above the caoba desk. He can hear Sakura sighing in exasperation by his right side, Kakashi shifting behind him and Sai, as blank as ever, leaning slightly towards him from his left.

He looks at him sideways, grateful and relieved and so glad for his presence he almost forgets he's being addressed by his Hokage, who appears to be at her wits end. 

"… Yes?"

Tsunade sighs again, this time sounding as if she's given up, and signales for his team to leave them alone. That doesn't bode too well for him. 

He turns a little and watches the others walk off, Sakura-chan already stomping her way to the door with her shoulders tense and most likely, a frown pulling at her lips. Kakashi doesn't spares a glance back until he's by the door, curving his single eye in his signature smile and then disappearing. Sai is the only one who pauses before leaving, and turns around to address him again. 

"Try not to cause your death today, dickless." 

Sai smiles at him that creepy smile of his and then he too is gone, but his words stay with him. 

_ Be safe _ , they said,  _ I'll see you later _ , they almost screamed.

He feels grateful for Sai, because if there is one person in all of Team Seven who understands him, that is Sai without a single doubt. And it hurts knowing that. Hurts knowing that he's grateful Sai's as fucked up as he is because he knows that what happened to the pale boy is not and would never be okay. 

"Naruto."

This time he's ready so he turns around and smiles and tries to will himself to stay still under the watchful gaze of the blonde woman. It's hard, and he feels a little cold and a little warm, but he's had worse things thrown at him than honey colored eyes filled with worry and warmth. 

So he endures, like he's always done. 

"There's something wrong with you," says the Hokage, the barest hint of worry tainting her words, "what is it, brat? Talk to me." 

He doesn't know what to say, but it's enough. Enough to make him take a couple of steps and enough for him to let himself fall heavily in the ever-present cushioned chair in front of the desk. 

He knows that's a rare sight for him, knows that he's acting out of character and that this is going to earn him more watchful eyes and prying presences. But sometimes he too is at his wits ends, and today so happened to be that day because there is just so much he can endure. 

"Just the usual things, I guess."

And the lie tastes bad on his tongue, but he doesn't take it back because he can't, he won't. Because he's telling the truth and it's so usual and familiar and an everyday occurrence that it's wearing down on him fast and hard. 

"Well, you're certainly being more distracted lately. Take a deep breath, brat," she doesn't understand, but she does her best, and he's grateful for that, will always be. But this isn't something he can just swat away and hope for it to disappear. 

Because even if it's been quite some time, even if there are less glares, less yells and less whispers, this is something that it's never going to change. Something that would chase him around until the day he dies and the Shinigami comes to take him away. 

He fidgets a little in his seat, mortified and worried and maybe a little sad too. A little bitter. 

They lapse into a few, strange silent moments, and he can tell the ANBU in the shadows are getting restless, can tell Tsunade twitches every time he fidgets and breathes and appears as if he's going to speak until he loses his nerve and falls silent again. 

"Naruto," she sounds preoccupied and it stabs at his resolve and his heart, " _ Naruto _ . Please tell me what is going on with you. Shikamaru already came forward with a few words about your attitude, and Sakura has been loudly complaining about you being too distracted to do anything during training. Please tell me if something is wrong so we can fix it."

Lots of things, he wants to say, there are lots of things wrong and I don't know how much longer I can hold. There are lots of things wrong and I'm one of them and I'm sorry but it wasn't my fault. This is not my fault. 

He doesn't say any of it, of course he doesn't. But maybe this time he can be honest. This time, he can sit down and talk about it and get comfort for it, because Kami knows he only got harsh truth and honest empathy when he did the same with Sai. 

"Naruto.  _ Please _ ."

She's almost pleading, and the name sounds wrong and he almost doesn't answer but he squares his shoulders and tries and fails to look her directly in the eyes. 

"It's… I don't know how to explain it. Sorry, heh."

"Just say it. We can go from there."

So he swallows. He bites back bitterness and feelings and sadness and memories and anger. Takes a deep breath, squares his shoulders again and lets his gaze drift to the brown of the desk, to the papers spread over it in a careless manner. 

"I… I've been having a few difficulties adjusting to being back in Konoha," he says at last, because even if it's not that at all, Konoha tends to be the root of his problems more often than not. Mostly, the people living there.

And Tsunade knows it, and he doesn't miss the way the wood groans under her fists and strength when the words sink in.

"Is there anyone giving you trouble?" She looks like a hound out for blood, and the ANBU in the corner twitches with nervousness, "if so, bring them here and I'll talk to them." 

He falls silent for a few moments, weighing down his options. 

Because there are tons of people who had hurt him. There's that woman in the market with the fruit stand who used to blame him of stealing her goods. That guy in the weapon shop who tilted a senbon to try and make it fall into his head, once when he was still in the academy. There's the villagers and their mouths, the shinobi and their indifference. His team is oblivious and a little broken and desperate and so painfully unfamiliar.

There's Konoha and its sharpness. The rest of the world and its unfairness. The Yondaime and his sacrifice. 

The Kyuubi and its thirst for freedom and revenge. 

"Did you know that I never learned my name until I was four years old?" 

That's what he says, and Tsunade blinks owlishly, and the ANBU stills. And the hush and movement and everything stops for a moment. 

"The old man came one day and told me, 'your name is Naruto, Uzumaki Naruto'," he laughs, and when the sound reaches his ears, he winces and hunches a little. He can't look at her, "and I thought 'that's great, I have a name!' But… nobody really used it. Wherever I went, I was always brat, monster, demon." 

The streets had always been filled with voices, for him. And looks and sneers and filth, and he can't forget any of it. Can't forget the hunger, the whispers, the glares, the lack of warmth, the way he wanted to scream and beg for a little of attention and something to eat and a place to stay. 

He can't. He won't. 

"They thought I wouldn't hear, but sometimes, they would say 'there goes the Kyuubi brat' too," he feels a few tears gathering in his eyes, feels them tracing gentle patterns in his whiskered cheeks. Tsunade sucks in a breath in front of him, "but nobody ever said my name." 

He lets the tears go, tells them  _ goodbye _ ,  _ see you later _ and lifts his head to confront her, to try and smile and be a little more like the obnoxious, orange loving idiot she knows. 

But Tsunade is looking at him with shattered, honey colored eyes, and he can see pain and tears and anger and pity in them. 

Realization too. 

Understanding about his silences, his distractions. Of the way he zones out and doesn't react when someone calls out his name.

And then she sobs, and leans forward. And she clutches at her chest with her right hand because the left is painfully clenched around a few unfortunate papers. And then she's crying, sounding broken and hurt and he wants to reach out and hug her. 

But he can't. He won't. 

"And-and out of Konoha, nobody said my name either, because Ero-sennin told me that I couldn't say it to anyone in case someone got wind of it. In case someone recognized it," he lets her cry, because he's crying too. And the ANBU in the corner stays still, silent and observant, "but there was this girl, who called me Kin one day. She said it was my new name because my hair was gold, like the sun. And now…" 

She sobs again, louder this time, and there's a knock at the door that neither of them answer. There's another and then other and then Shizune barges in, clutching at Tonton. Her question dies in her throat, and she closes the door.

"And now. Now I don't know how to tell people that my name is not Naruto." 

Tsunade  _ whines _ . A low, broken sound filled with emotion and then she sobs and stands and rushes at him. The desk is all but thrown to the side. 

"It has never been Naruto." 

She hugs him. Hard. And she's warm, and secure and real and he wails and sobs and tries to keep talking but he can't. 

He can't. Because he's drowning and the tears just keep coming and his throat is useless. 

He won't. Because he already said too much, showed too much. Because he's breathless and hurting and he wants to heal and keep moving and  _ never stop moving.  _

Shizune kneels by their side and envelopes the two of them in her arms, and he can tell she's crying too, because there are little drops of water falling on his jacket and she's by his right, mumbling reassurances and comforting words and being steady and strong and  _ there _ . 

Tsunade is kissing his hair, and crying, and she's saying something about it being beautiful and shiny and so  _ so soft _ and  _ she was right, it truly is like gold. _

_ Like the sun _ . 

And he stays there because he's warm and safe and happy. He can't move because they are strong and warm and accepting of him. It's more than what he had, what he wanted. What he expected.

So he can't. He won't. 

  
  


•

  
  


Sai falls in step beside him two hours later. He doesn't say anything for a while, neither of them does. They walk and keep walking and stop when the sky changes and soft blue turns vibrant gold. 

"It's Kin," he says at last, holding his breath and tilting his head up at the sky. 

He catches Sai's smile. Not the creepy one. 

This one is small, and gentle and genuine and full of life. 

"Finally," he answers, and tilts his head and bumps his shoulders, and he wants to cry again, "dickless was getting old." 

So he cries, because he can. And laughs, because it was.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
